Date : 27th September, 2010
We wanted to explore Madhya Pradesh on our drive to Mumbai and the first major halt was scheduled to be Khajuraho – a drive of approx. 750 kms. The adventurous plan to cover the same in one day was, however, sobered by fact that the monsoons had just about got over. The roads across the country are probably at their worst in the immediate aftermath of the rains. And with the awful state of NH 7 still fresh in our memories, it was sobriety that prevailed over adventure. We would rather halt midway than reach Khajuraho.
Unfortunately, very limited options are available on the Golden Quadrilateral (GQ) unless one is willing to get into the city of Varanasi. And Varanasi was not in our itinerary. The only viable option was to break our journey at Mohania, a small hamlet on the Bihar – UP border. Bihar Tourism Dev. Corp has a hotel at Mohania and it is bang on the GQ. That settled the issue. Day 1 would be Muraura – Mohania : a leisurely drive of less than 300 kms, we thought!
And so, the journey started at the leisurely time of 0720 hrs. Biharsharif town was just about coming to life and negotiating the town was not a problem, the narrow lanes (which masquerade as roads) notwithstanding. However, the effort still took almost 30 minutes. Try negotiating the lanes of the town during peak hours and you will vow never to enter the town again. We are not so fortunate : we live here!
The road till Rajgir (via Nalanda) is one of the better roads in Bihar – thanks to the importance of Rajgir for the Buddhists and the munificence of the Japanese. We crossed Rajgir at 0815 hrs. – 29 kms in 55 mins and mind you it is one of the better roads of Bihar!! Rajgir – Hisua – Gaya Bye Pass could have been a comfortable drive had the road not been littered with what are euphemistically called ‘speed breakers’ in Bihar. With no warning signs or markings, these well camouflaged monsters benignly await the unwary driver in the hinterlands of our beloved State! Having driven umpteen times on this stretch Rituraj was anything but unwary and so we reached Gaya bye pass without receiving any bone jarring shocks. And then Pitra-Paksh hit us. What should have been a smooth cruise became a crawl as Rituraj gamely tried negotiating the car between the mass of vehicles, tongas, rickshaws and pedestrians. Pitra-Paksh is a time window of 15 days when Gaya throbs with activity. It is said that only if one performs the Pind-Daan on the banks of the Falgu River at Gaya would the soul of his deceased parents find salvation. A huge multitude throngs to Gaya during this holy period from all over the country. And we were travelling during Pitra-Paksh! The dry river bed of the Falgu River was a sea of humanity and the roads choc-a-bloc. We slowly crawled out of the bye pass and started dreaming of the smooth ride on the GQ which was barely 20 kms away. Little did we know what lay ahead!
Just a few kms short of Dobhi (and GQ) we were greeted by a traffic blockade (popularly called ‘जाम’ in Bihar!). A horde of sullen men had completely blocked the road. The reason : murder! This ‘जाम’ phenomenon is now a popular means of protest and entertainment in Bihar. And the credit for popularising it must surely go to the redoubtable Laloo Yadav. Thanks to him, it has now become a great pastime for the entertainment starved masses. Roads can be blocked anytime, anywhere and for any reason. Our ”leisurely drive to Mohania” was turning into a nightmare!
Seasoned travellers on Bihar roads know that the time taken for restoration of traffic after a ‘जाम’ can range from the miniscule to the infinite. The hapless travellers have only three options to choose from : patiently wait for the blockade to be cleared; take an alternate route; cancel the trip. We chose to take an alternate route.
The alternate route turned out to be a single lane road with killer speed breakers. That apart, the road wasn’t too bad and had very little traffic. We were now travelling in the hinterland of Bihar and in the not so distant past this area had been a hotbed of violent Maoist activities. We, however, managed to reach Sherghati and the GQ without much ado. Total distance covered till now covered : 167 kms; time taken : 4 hours.
Driving was a blast on the GQ. Whereas it had taken 4 hours to cover 167 kms we were able to cover 151 kms in just 2 hours and 20 minutes!! And at 1345 hrs we were in the campus of Hotel Kaimur Vihar, Mohania. The adventure is over, we thought and looked forward to a lazy siesta. Aah … but wishes are not horses!!!
The reception hall was empty. When repeated shouts elicited no response Rituraj peeped into a room behind the counter. Just a derelict, shabby bed greeted him. We were truly perplexed when Rituraj thought he heard some voices. His exploration led him towards the rear of the building where two men were fiddling with a generator. Both looked like mechanics but one was the manager of the hotel. He did not look entirely happy with our sudden arrival but was gracious enough to tell us that two AC rooms were vacant. We decided to have a look. The better room had not yet been cleaned after a morning check out. We were perplexed but what happened thereafter is being reproduced in Hindi to retain the true flavour.
मैनेजर (पान से लाल दांतों को निर्निमेष भाव से खोदते हुए) : “ई यहाँ का दी बेष्ट रूम है.”
ऋतुराज : “सो तो ठीक है लेकिन रूम को साफ-सुथरा तो कराइए.”
मैनेजर : “अरे, रुम्वा तो साफ होइए जाएगा, लेना है तो बोलिए.”
ऋतुराज : “रूम लेना है नहीं तो काहे के लिए देख रहे हैं?”
मैनेजर : “ हाँ, तो ई बोलिए न कि रूम लेना है. कौन रूम लीजियेगा? वैसे हम बताये न कि इ यहाँ का दी बेस्ट रूम है.”
ऋतुराज (जेनिफर कि तरफ कातर नज़रों से देखते हुए) : “लेकिन रूम तो अभी साफ़ नहीं है. साफ़ करवा दीजिए जल्दी से.”
मैनेजर : “हाँ, करवाते हैं ... तब तक आप लोग दूसरे रूम में बैठिये.”
ऋतुराज : “शुक्रिया ... चाय मिलेगी क्या?”
मैनेजर : “हाँ भेजवाते हैं ... तब तक फ्रेस हो लीजिए आपलोग.”
ऋतुराज (दूसरे कमरे में बिजली की स्विचें दबाते हुए) : “अरे, बिजली नहीं है क्या?”
मैनेजर (मानो गर्व से कह रहा हो) : “ नहीं बत्ती तो नहिंये है ... भोरे से ... और जेनेरेटरो खराब है. उसी को ठीक करने में तो लगे हुए थे.”
ऋतुराज : “ अरे, जेनेरटर खराब है? कब तक ठीक हो जायेगा?”
मैनेजर (कमरे से बाहर जाते हुए) : “ अरे, होइए जायेगा ... आप लोग यहाँ आराम से बैठिये ... हम चाय भेजवाते हैं.”
और उस भरी दोपहरी में हम दोनों गर्मी का सुख लेते हुए चाय का इंतज़ार करने लगे. थोड़ी ही देर में ‘फ्रेस’ होने के क्रम में यह भी पता चल गया कि बिजली के साथ साथ टॉयलेट में पानी भी नदारत है!
खैर, कुछ समय बाद मैले कुचैले कपडे पहने एक व्यक्ति हाथ में ट्रे-नुमा वस्तु लिए हुए प्रगट हुआ और मेज पर उसे पटक कर उलाहना देने के अंदाज़ में बोला “चाय मांगे थे क्या?” यह सवाल दाग कर वह वहीँ निर्निमेष भाव से अपने अंडकोष को अंगूठे और तर्जनी के बीच पकड़ कर मानो सहलाने लगा (started caressing his balls between his thumb and forefinger). जेनिफर उसकी इस हरकत को नज़रंदाज़ करते हुए कप में चाय उडेलने लगी. ऋतुराज ने बात आगे बढ़ाते हुए पूछा “आप यहाँ के स्टाफ हैं?” और यह ज्ञान प्राप्त किया कि ये श्रीमान इस होटल के वेटर हैं.
ऋतुराज : “रूम साफ़ हो गया क्या?”
वेटर (अपनी हथेली को अंडकोष पर ही जमाए हुए) : “नहीं.”
ऋतुराज : “कब तक हो जायेगा?”
वेटर : “जब स्वीपर आएगा तब.”
ऋतुराज : “स्वीपर कब तक आएगा?
वेटर : “हम का जानें.”
ऋतुराज : “और स्वीपर नहीं आया तो रूम साफ़ नहीं होगा?”
वेटर (ऋतुराज कि मंद बुद्धि पर मानो तरस खाते हुए) : “अरे, स्वीपर नहीं आएगा त रूम्वा साफ़ के करेगा?”
ऋतुराज : “और अगर स्वीपर आज नहीं आया तब?”
वेटर : “भोर में तो आइबे किया था ... अभी कन्हूँ गया है ... आ जायेगा जल्दिये.”
ऋतुराज (मानो डूबते को तिनके का सहारा मिल गया हो) : “बहुत बहुत शुक्रिया.”
खैर, वह वेटर हमलोगों के मन में आशा कि किरण प्रज्वलित कर अपने अंडकोषों को सहलाता हुआ चला गया और हमलोग गर्मी में गर्म चाय पीते हुए ठंढक का अहसास लेने का प्रयास करने लगे. करीब घंटे भर बाद वेटर ने आ कर यह शुभ सूचना दी कि स्वीपर आ गया है और कमरा साफ़ हो चुका है.
We felt like shouting, jumping, dancing. The euphoria resulted in Rituraj offering a generous tip to the sweeper who looked askance at him. Obviously, the poor fellow had never received any tips earlier. The room was reasonably OK now except that there was no electricity. And yes, the toilet in this room had running water too!
Lunch had been ordered by Rituraj during the earlier wait itself and he had been promised room service too. Soon enough, a man informally clad in a sandow baniyan and Bermuda shorts entered carrying our lunch. This hotel was truly homely and informal! A mild enquiry revealed that this man, who should have been in Goa rather than Mohania, was the assistant cook-cum-helper-cum-waiter in the restaurant. He wanted to know if we would require anything else. A quick glance around the room made us realise that the room did not have the facility of either an intercom or a call bell. How could we call him, we wanted to know. He nonchalantly opened the door, stood outside, called Rituraj and told him to stand there are shout loudly … and that some one or the other would surely hear him and the instant messaging service shall ensure that he is informed. Much enlightened, we had our lunch and hoped that the only further enlightenment shall be in the form of electricity.
However, electricity remained elusive, the generator remained out of order, our ‘lazy siesta’ transformed into a sweaty afternoon even as we tried to amuse ourselves by venturing out in the attached balcony and declaring that it was much more pleasant without the room than within. Slowly the day waned, the heat cooled off somewhat, the balcony actually became pleasant but impossible to sit in. With approaching nightfall the menacing mosquitoes had now turned the balcony into their own preserve and only the very brave or foolish or both could venture there.
It was not entirely gloomy though. Around 1800 hrs Rituraj went looking for the assistant cook-cum-helper-cum-waiter and came back with the heartening news that the generator would be switched on by 1900 hrs. And so it was indeed … and then we were well and truly enlightened. Even more momentous was the news that electricity would be restored by 2100 hrs and that it shall remain uninterrupted thereafter. Aha, we thought, now we shall actually be able to switch on the AC!!! We had not learnt our lessons yet though.
2100 hrs … no electricity. Dinner over … still no electricity. 2200 hrs … not yet. We resigned to the near certainty of paying for an AC room without having the pleasure of AC even for a second and prepared to sleep … and just then … lo and behold … with a loud shudder the AC sprang to life. Electricity was there now. What more could we want?? Not that it remained uninterrupted throughout the night … but then we did have the pleasure of a cool room for all of 3 hours!!!
And in case, you have missed out the date of this adventure and are thinking that this must have happened during the dark days of Laloo-Rabri regime … do scroll to the top of the document. This adventure was experienced on the 27th of September, 2010 a mere two months before the populace of Bihar gave a resounding victory to Nitish Kumar due to the developmental activities that had (supposedly) taken Bihar by storm!!!!
